Feeling hit pretty hard today by the following sentiments on ex-best friends. I originally saw this on a Facebook post from a coworker. The internet is in a tizzy in who did or didn’t write this, but this version is from here. I also really like this version and this version, and I thought about compiling them all together, but it’s emotionally exhausting enough to post this in the first place. I’ve probably read a couple dozen versions of this in order to gain some insight into life in general.
The one nice thing about there being a billion versions of this is that I feel less alone. Not less hurt though. I’ve tried talking to some people about it who aren’t close to the situation, and it always seems to end in this sad silence as the person remembers a friend that they’ve lost. Someone described it as being worse than a romantic breakup, and I completely agree with that sentiment. It definitely feels like something that I wasn’t prepared for at all in adulthood. People are more candid about their divorces than their friendship breakups. I know I still haven’t sorted out all of my feelings on the matter.
Dear Ex-Best Friend,
I can’t believe it has been months since we talked last… I never would have thought that this would happen to us. There has been so much that has happened since then, and I want you to know everything. I think it’s crazy that even though we aren’t best friends and aren’t as close as we used to be, I still want to tell you everything. It honestly sucks, because you’re not that person for me anymore.
You were the person I was able to count on for anything and everything. You were the person I called when anything good or bad happened. You were my person. And we were supposed to be best friends forever, but that didn’t work out like we thought it would.
I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I call someone else my best friend. I’m sorry that we aren’t making all of the memories we thought we would be making. I’m sorry I never uploaded those pics of us (but now it would be kind of weird). I’m sorry this is weird. Us not being best friends is just weird. But I guess that’s life, and sometimes, things don’t turn out like you think they will or should.
Even though we aren’t friends anymore, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being my best friend and always being there for me, through thick and thin. Thank you for letting me call you family mine (they basically became my second family). Thank you for keeping all of my secrets, no matter what they were. Thank you for always being honest with me and for always being there for me. Thank you for all of the nights we didn’t go to bed until three or four in the morning. Thank you for all of our memories and the cute (and not so cute) pictures that pop up on my Timehop all the time. Thank you for being everything I could ask for (and more) in a best friend.
I miss you…a lot. I miss texting you about every single thing that happened in my life (even the stupidest things). Sometimes I find myself going through my camera roll and looking at photos of us, and all I do is smile. I occasionally find screenshots of our old texts and conversations and I can’t help but laugh at all of the stupid things we said. Photos of us pop up on my Timehop at least once a week. Some of our memories that show up make me laugh at how stupid we were sometimes. Other memories that show up kill me inside, because it reminds me that we aren’t (and might not ever be) that close again. Having you as my best friend was one of the best things that happened to me so far in my life and I am beyond thankful for the memories we have together (good and bad). I miss spending almost every day with you and jamming out in the car. I miss all of the ugly Snapchats we sent each other and the random FaceTimes. I miss your family and how I used to know what was going on in their lives too. I miss knowing that no matter what happened you would be there. I miss my other half, my person, and my best friend.
I hate that whenever someone asks me how you’re doing I don’t even know how to reply. I hate that whenever we do text and have an actual conversation, they aren’t like they used to be. I hate that now we go weeks without texting or talking to each other, when we used to not be able to go a day without talking.
I’m so upset that we let our friendship get to where it is now. How did this happen? What happened to us? It all feels like a blur because it happened so fast. How did we even let this happen? I’m mad that we didn’t fight harder for our friendship. Our friendship was different than most and I can’t believe we let it slip away. I am mad that we let our friendship become nothing but memories and old photos.
Never forget that I will always be here for you no matter what happens. I am only a text, call, or FaceTime away. I promised I would always be there for you when you needed someone, and even though things have changed, that will never change.
I love you to the moon and back,
Your Ex-Best Friend